1 Jakey

So congrats, one is actually literally about you.

1 Once upon a time there was a ²sweet, ³noble, ⁴beautiful princess whose only wish in life was to find a prince ⁵to call her own. You see, it wasn’t that she was mad ⁶about getting married,
2 she wanted only to build a life ²and have someone ³stable – for once.
3 Most of all, she wanted to love someone ²more than her bones could ³handle.
4 So she searched, and on occasion she would find a prince ²whom she believed could be suitable, and she would begin ³to build their kingdom together.
5 Suddenly, around the prince would spring ²palaces of Sharing a Last Name, ³villages of We Should Live Together, ⁴squares of What Do You Want Me To Make For Breakfast on Sunday?, ⁵and the buildings and structures and gardens were ⁶great and ⁷awe-striking and they began to ⁸loom over the prince
6 and soon he was ²swallowed within their shadows, and would ³flee.
7 So the princess was often left with a ²great, ³incredible kingdom, which was really only the constant reminder that she built it all from scratch ⁴simply to watch someone ⁵run away from it all.
8 Sometimes she believed it her fault,² sometimes she believed it fate, ³but each time she would eventually pack up her things, ⁴sigh, and look for a new prince.
9 But one day, a prince found her. A great prince with a ²noble heart and a ³boldness about him that she couldn’t help but ⁴adore – but she hesitated. Her hands were calloused from so many days and nights ⁵building castles no one would live in, and though in her heart she believed ⁶he could live out his days in a kingdom with her, ⁷her body and  ⁸her soul hurt so badly from the building and abandoning that she ⁹held her breath.
10 She held her breath as she watched him build up ²palaces of Sharing a Last Name,³ blooming gardens of How Much I Love You, and ⁴great mausoleums of This Is How We Should Spell Our Daughter’s Name.
11 And she began to ²understand.
12 It wasn’t that previous princes ²didn’t want to live out their lives in a great kingdom, it wasn’t that they would have stayed had the princess ³not been her. It was the ⁴great, ⁵looming, ⁶deep shadows formed by an ⁷incredible hand that told you: well, ⁸now you must rule me.
13 To have the courage to rule a kingdom built ²by someone else ³for you ⁴is much more to bear than building a kingdom and ⁵wishing another to rule it ⁶with you.
14 And eventually she let her breath go, and as soon as she ²caught it again – she ran.
15 But once she got far enough away that the golden peaks of castles ²and rolling pastures of sunflowers could no longer be seen, she missed the ³glow. And now it feels as though she is ⁴lost in thorns, searching for the ⁵glow of her rightful kingdom ⁶again.
16 And her greatest fear is to return and find it ²abandoned.

1 Ryan

Disclaimer:
I’ve been trying to write this for weeks. For weeks. And some days I have the words and some days I don’t but all the days I get so wrapped up in the misery of never having him in my hands again that I can’t write anything down, so hopefully this goes decently here. Literally minutes ago I read this – http://www.puckermob.com/relationships/to-the-guy-who-i-thought-i-would-grow-old-with – and I don’t think I’ve cried this hard in a long time. The last section of this, I’m not there yet. I don’t know when I’ll be there or if I will be or what I’m going to do to get there but maybe this writing is like putting on my shoes and taking the first step of the most excruciating journey of my life. I don’t know if he reads this. I don’t know if he knows or shares in the daily struggle I have. I don’t know if people think it’s stupid or ridiculous that after all this time I would lay everything down for him. Some people have that impact, and you can never ever let go.
Ultimately, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing but again, I’ve been trying to write this for a long time. So…

1 The leaves aren’t green anymore and they caress my yard and I think ² about a time I made a mustache with one and ³ you laughed ⁴ at me and we caught it on camera, genuinely. ⁵ I left those pictures the day after you left me, but I still see them. I know they exist somewhere but ⁶ I can’t bring myself to drive up tall enough mountains ⁷ to sift through the clouds and find them just ⁸ to toss them away all over again.
2 In fact I can’t bring myself to drive up ² any mountains at all.
3 Every night I sit at a table with a puzzle in front of me, ² thousands and thousands of pieces that finally rest in their places: ³ disputes we settled, ⁴ wines we drank, ⁵ children we named after late cousins. The rest of the room is covered with more pieces ⁶ that have yet to find their resting places
4 and some days I carefully tiptoe through them to bed ² and other days I pick them up and place them with similar looking pieces ³ and other days still I flip them over and toss them about the room in a rage wondering if being upset about them will make them ⁴ go away.
5 It’s a strange place to sit day after day, knowing that this thousand and thousand piece puzzle could be finished and ² not finding it in me to place the final pieces.
6 If the pieces finally settled into place and the picture could be seen clearly, that would mean the adventure is ² over – and what if there is no relief? ³ If I could I would ask you on a daily basis ⁴ how your puzzle looks and ⁵ what you’ve found from it, be it ⁶ relief or ⁷ yearning or ⁸ avoidance or ⁹ never-ending cyclical reimagination of fitting.
7 I would ask you if your girlfriend ever helps you place your ² pieces.
8 I would ask you if you’ve lost pieces ² and demand you tell me the story of the piece ³ and the loss ⁴ and that we find it immediately.
9 I would ask you if you have more blue pieces than purple and exchange my purples with your blues ² to see if the shades match on opposite sides and finally being in the presence of your puzzle ³ I would sneak the corners of your work into my pockets ⁴ to prevent you from ever thinking it could finally be finished.
10 I would ask you to empty your pockets so I could have my corner pieces ² back.
11 It’s a Sunday and I refuse to listen to the radio ² because I could hear our songs without putting them on myself and witnessing my own lack of control ³ would be too overpowering to handle
12 and for a moment I wonder why I drive so much if I can’t handle the music ² I play anyway.
13 Around every corner there’s a whiff of you and every day I awake into my own campus ² suddenly turned into a maze and I’m always halfway ³ between choosing to follow the smell of you and halfway ⁴ between choosing to flip myself around
14 and fight seventeen different monsters ² before aching for your scent
15 but I ache anyway and so ² I’m curious as to if it’s missing your scent ³ or hunger ⁴ or frustration of never finding the ⁵ right piece and suddenly all of my work is moot
16 because I turn a new corner ² and I’m surrounded by you ³ and now my organized pieces are ⁴ scattered.